I’ve already talked about how I struggle in female friendships. I’m learning to accept that some friendships are seasonal, and not meant to survive a lifetime’s worth of ups and downs. Sometimes proximity and lifestyle separate us, and that’s okay—though it does hurt. We need community, I don’t think there is any way around that. Isolation can be dangerous.
I’m an introvert by nature, but this blog is allowing me to put myself out there. My challenge to myself is to be as authentic as possible. I don’t want to try to sound smart, sophisticated, or sexy. I’m too tired at this stage in my life for that. And each warm comment encourages me to keep flowing in the vein of honesty.
Today, I met a new friend in person. We have been web-chatting (isn’t this a crazy world we now live in?), and I knew that she was a super-cool chick. In the short time we had together, I felt a glimmer of hope that this might be a real new friendship that can develop over time. It might seem silly, but losing friends makes you appreciate the fragility and balance of new possibilities.
No friendship is perfect or without trials. I think I am finding a new courage to open the door, or at least crack it and peek around the edge.
P.S. I meant to put this pic in last night, it’s a bottle of Riesling Dan brought to dinner. Not only do I loooooove the illustration (pigtails, yeah!), but it tasted great too. actually having some now. . .
12 Comments
i always worry about my hair around you. like i said, ridiculous. unless you really are judging me…??
girl friendships are just hard!
sarah!!!! I love that idea! let’s do it! I was thinking how I can never get words out right in person. . .
I hate that people worry about their hair around me–I’m just as insecure about my own!
I wish I could say that the ups and downs and ins and outs of women’s friendships settle down as we age..but they don’t. Sadly I live hundreds of miles away from one long-time friend and I lost another 11 years ago when she was way too young to die. I just happen to be one of those women who need one really good friend and that kind of closeness doesn’t happen often in a lifetime. I know I’ve imposed my need for this closeness on a few friendships and then got badly hurt in the end. So now I’m probably overly cautious about opening up to anyone. Your words certainly hit a nerve I usually keep well-hidden and protected and opened up a dialogue with myself.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Jan. It is hard to reopen when we’ve been hurt.
i like being your friend. and i sure do look forward to when i can give you big hug.
No, it’s not easy! But, true friendships are a blessing! Even if it’s just with one person.
Sigh… this is beautiful and has me teary eyed.
Ya know what? I believe that you are the Kungfu Girl on the bottle. I believe that you are a determined woman who can take that *analogous* board (or slab, or brick wall) and break through it becase you know it can be done. I think the board is a feeling of “Do I want to go through this again? Opening up to someone and being honest that I could come to need them- scratch that- more importantly WANT them in my world, for fear of that openness setting myself up for failure?” That board is one I have often had in my life, too. I’m so over that board. I wanna be a Kungfu Girl, too.
P.s. I was walking down 12South (during shoot) and saw the salon. I saw someone inside… I ran over into the parking lot, then up to the glass door. Alas… closed on Tuesdays. I was so excited for an hopeful opportunity see you again
RUBY! It was so lovely to be with you yesterday. And I do want to be Kung FU Girl! Let’s break it down (and chop up some yummy vegetables in the process!) You are truly a gem, and I was humming “Ruby Tuesday” all day, which, coincidentally, is already mentioned in my novel. Let’s talk soon!
As much as I love hanging at home with my husband, I need my girls…I would go crazy without them in my life. Glad we’re friends Kristin.
me too, Heather!!
Good Lord! I could write my own blog post about this topic. Since I don’t have all night, I’ll just post this idea that has been swirling in my brain. Yesterday, I bought a book called “The Harvard Psychedelic Club” by Don Lattin. It’s about how the Timothy Leary, Ram Dass, Huston Smith, and Andrew Weil impacted our culture. They were all interested in the world’s spiritual, mystical and psychological traditions and brought their interests to the public. And they all knew each other. They were friends. They hung out. They ate shrooms together! They had their differences, of course, but it’s really amazing that they knew each other as well as they did. They also socialized with the likes of Aldous Huxley and Allen Ginsberg. Amazing, really. But maybe not.
Here’s my point: Smart, creative, ambitious or otherwise successful men often know each other informally as friends. Whether it’s in a Mexican villa tripping on native fungi or on the golf course, these guys aren’t just working together. They’re having fun together, too. And because it’s often “men only,” they don’t have the inhibitions normally present in mixed company. This luxury reminds me of your decision to write your blog without worry about sounding smart, sophisticated, or sexy. These guys weren’t trying to be attractive to each other. (Well, maybe not Ram Dass or Allen Ginsberg, but that’s another topic.) They were enjoying being around similar-minded people, exploring mutual academic, spiritual, professional, etc. interests.
It’s very nice that most of the readers on here are women. If not, I highly doubt I would be writing this reply. Being around girls is great because you don’t need to conform to some sort of “pretty,” lest you be deemed unworthy of conversation. And good grief, if you DO have the “pretty,” then you don’t have to navigate that territory, either.
It’s late and I need to go, but I’ll say one more thing to finish up. Making girlfriends may not be easy. Most of us are “twice shy” from being bitten during our teenage years, but the payoffs can be grand. We can learn something from the men who have been members of their “Harvard Clubs” for centuries. How cool it will be if we are courageous enough to start forming our own.
That’s a really cool perspective, Laura! I love your commentary, thanks!